I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize