this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
