I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
