everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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