thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
