$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
