Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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