lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
