yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Acid is not a monday night drug
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
