You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
