Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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