you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
