I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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