Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
