he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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