What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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