well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
