Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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