is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize