Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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