he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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