I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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