he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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