will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize