dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He has the fingertips of a God
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