Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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