My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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