my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
