why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
