Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
