Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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