is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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