I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
