i will never coherently bang her
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
