omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
