dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
