he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
