Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
