A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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