My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
