why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
