Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
