And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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