Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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