Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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