I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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