in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
