Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
