i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize