Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize