you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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