I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize