Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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