Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
