I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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