the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she told me i tasted like america
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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