so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
