if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
