I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
