All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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