you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
