Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize