drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
