we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
