need another drink. this is the easiest way
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
