You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
