Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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