Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
