D3 body, D1 cock
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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