Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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