does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
