My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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