Where did you get a picture of my penis
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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