he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
