hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize