So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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