woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
