in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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