Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize