sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
