Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
