My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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