I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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