She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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