is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
