So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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