dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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