Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize