ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
