No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
