im six kinds of drunk right now
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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