If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
