No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
