; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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