What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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