So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
