Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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